I started my fitness journey properly about 4 years ago. Since then I’ve tried various exercise approaches- cardio classes, solo cardio, HIIT, weight lifting, circuit training, pilates, yoga, etc. The amount I exercise has ranged from 4-7 days a week.
I’ve also improved my diet slowly but surely. I don’t drink fizzy drinks and only freshly made juice/smoothies; I don’t eat fast food, sweets, crisps, cakes, biscuits, etc. I drink on average 4-5 litres of water a day. I only eat dark chocolate. I don’t smoke, I rarely drink. I take my coffee black and started using agave nectar instead of sugar. I drink green tea every day. I prepare 90% of my own meals, which consist of mostly fruit, vegetables, pulses, nuts, and tofu. I stopped eating all vegetarian meat substitutes (eg quorn, linda mccartney) because I read they were over processed and should be avoided. I’ve tried eating 6 small meals a day, I’ve tried intermittent fasting, I’ve tried intuitive eating.
And still, the change in my body has been fractional.
I truly do love the feeling these changes have given me- I feel healthy, more happy, less anxious… but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t partly doing it try to lose fat too. I feel like the amount of work I put in is not giving me the result I should expect, not by a long shot.
I’ve been patient, oh so patient, but I started to think that maybe there was some underlying problem preventing my body from changing. So I went to the doctor, and I asked her about it. She was kind, though she didn’t seem to understand (she kept talking about weight gain, and seemed confused by my query because my weight has maintained for a long time… that’s the problem!) but she did agree to send me for a blood test, and if that came back normal we would discuss changing my medication.
I’ve been trying to get hold of this doctor for a while to discuss my results to no avail, so when I was in the surgery this week with a different doctor for a different problem I thought I’d ask about the results. He said all was normal, aside from a Vitamin D deficiency. I told him that I’d had the blood test because I can’t seem to lose weight. He said ‘you won’t lose weight’. A little baffled, I told him ‘but… I go to the gym… and…’ he interjected, ‘I go to the gym too.’ And then, shrugging, told me 'You just need to eat less and exercise more.'
This man, who knows nothing about what I’ve been struggling with (and doesn’t care either, he made it clear he was trying to rush through our appointment), just dismisses me and my problem with the most condescending statement that can be given to people struggling with health and fitness. And it shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
I have found through trial and error that eating less/exercising more than I am currently doing makes me so run down I get ill. I am doing as much as I am physically capable of, and yet that still apparently isn’t enough.
I just feel like a complete failure.